Fear

June 29, 2007 at 9:12 am | Posted in disturbing, emotions, random | 10 Comments

been thinkin a lot about fear lately.  although perfect love drives away fear, i am but human and have a lot of them.  (fears, that is.)  i am thankful for His grace and love that, by His Spirit, frequently snap me back into rational thinking.  just for kicks, though…

a bit vulnerable (and almost completely irrational), here are some of my fears:

  • whenever i see one of the employees from computer services, i’m afraid they’re judging me because they know how much time i spend online at work.
  • spiders.  every single time i come in or go out of my house, i quickly scan the doorframe for them.  i usually look for them on the ceiling/wall before i go to sleep.  when i see them, yes, i hate them, but i guess my main fear is that one will be ON me without me knowing it.
  • this one is really weird and gross, and i have never put it in writing before…when i was younger (and i STILL think about it–probably more than once a week), i used to be afraid that when i went to the bathroom (usually #2), i would be flushed down the toilet and land in a huge pile of waste in a dark cavern…where a witch would be waiting for me to cook me in her waste soup.  no, i’m not kidding.  how messed up am i???
  • one of my biggest fears has always been that i will miscarry or have a stillborn baby.
  • since i was a teenager, i have feared a masked intruder breaking in the house to violently kill my family and me.  (he/they always save me, in my bed, for last.)  too many movies, i guess.
  • i’m afraid i’m going to end up like gilbert grape’s momma.
  • i have a terrible fear sometimes, when i’m driving, that a semi will crash into the car & kill everyone in it but me.

OKAY: is this my own personal postsecret?  i think i’ll stop here.

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10 Comments »

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  1. So relieved that someone else shares some of my same fears like #4,5,6, & 7
    #7 especially since I commute to work daily.

  2. how wonderful are you! i will email you my fear about #2 :)
    i am not as brave as you are.
    and at least your postsecrets seems “normal” (whatever that is right). Some of those people I just flat out worry about.

  3. Some of these are very creative (#3) but I have some really upsurd fears too and was actually thinking about posting them the other day, but chickened out. Maybe I will find some courage from your post. Thanks for sharing!

    I was hoping for a wedding post sometime soon?

  4. I assure you that computer people have no idea how long you spend online. In the first place it would be hard to keep track of, and then more importantly we’re all too busy doing other things.

  5. 1 – man…i have some crazy fears too. doesn’t everyone?
    2 – how is Johnny Depp so beautiful? it just ain’t right.
    3 – i love and miss you.

  6. I think the same thing on #1, but if it was a problem, they would have already fired us, right??

  7. I agree with Jennie. I think they’d have to fire my whole building…we’re an e-commerce company so we have to be online all day long anyway. But if they kept track of where everyone goes, it would be crazy. I was told by an IT consultant that there’s no possible way to monitor thousands of employees (we’re just one company among many under the big daddy company).

  8. For what it’s worth, I think most of us, if we are truly honest with ourselves, have to admit that we irrational fears. The ones I have issues with are things I can’t control – which, I suppose, means I have control issues in general – and that’s just stupid because, if I can’t control them, why worry. Nothing can be done, right?

    Anyway, thanks for sharing.

  9. Hi Rebekah! I found your blog off of Suzanne’s. Cool!

  10. The flushing fear made me laugh out loud! I share the fear of spiders, and, now that I’m pregnant again, of having a miscarriage and then having to deliver the baby b/c I’m already more than 20 weeks along. How horrible is that? But my greatest fear in life is being eaten by a shark or alligator, or having my husband or kids succombing to the same fate. I therefore will never allow them to go into lakes when visiting my folks in Florida, and I will never allow them to go in certain parts of the ocean.


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