waiting and waiting and waiting and SCREAMING!!

May 20, 2008 at 3:42 pm | Posted in baby, emotions, family, prayers | 4 Comments

i’m sooooooooooooooooooooooo ready to know what’s going to happen in our lives in the next few months.  i’ve about driven myself crazy (on a daily basis) going through want ad after want ad (jobs/homes)…still no leads.  still no direction.  still no ANSWERS. 

i keep feeling like i’m going about things all wrong.  and then it hit me: the other day i realized, “my word, rebekah. if only you were praying even 1/2 as much as you have been worrying and looking online for leads.”  oh dear.

and you know, i hope He will tell SOMEONE soon…if not me (or Doug), someone!!  i mean, He surely will, right?  there’s faith, and then there’s the fact that we have brains.  for example, i have been looking for homes, but what do i think–that we should move first THEN find jobs??  hardly seems like the right order of things, does it? 

it’s so hard not to become depressed when i think about my (and doug’s) “qualifications.”  yes, we both have college degrees, but they are in biblical/christian studies.  enough said??  i used to be so comforted by a statement one of my professors made when i was in school, “you may find that others question your choice of major: why biblical studies?  what can that do for you?  well, the answer may be not what it can do for you, but what it can/will do to you.”  that sounds great and all…but it certainly doesn’t pay the bills.  hence the depression.  yikes.  i DO need to have more faith (and pray a LOT more), that much is certain. 

all i really want to be able to do is just stay at home with Elisabeth–and soon, Baby #2, as well.  i’m not sure how that could possibly happen, but perhaps it might.  :)  i will try to remain hopeful!