i’m not sure how i’ve taken two months to post…but it may be because:
1. we still don’t have internet at home
2. i haven’t been at work since sept. 12th
3. i was in the hospital for 10 days and my sweet baby boy had to be born 7 1/2 wks early due to dangerously high blood pressure…but he is doing really well! and is SO very beautiful and precious. he had to stay in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) for 3 weeks, and we have loved having him home for the past 2 1/2 wks. we give glory and praise and THANKS to our Lord God for His once again amazing care and protection of me and our wee babe. :)
Well, i guess that’s what it’s come down to–one post per month. :(
better than none at all, i suppose! i certainly miss the blogging world…facebook…”surfing”…gone are the days of internet freedom! (and time to do ANYTHING non work-related)
it’s really hard to believe i’ve been here at my new job for eight weeks. i still wish, probably even more, that i could be a stay-at-home-mom. with the new baby really on the way (i’ll be 29 weeks on wednesday!)…i keep thinking about how i’m going to feel leaving not one baby but two (and one being a very baby newborn, at that)–even if i am leaving them with my mom & dad. i’m so grateful, please know, but it’s still so hard. and one of the things i cannot get used to w/my new job is a 30 minute lunch break. (YIKES!) there’s no way i’ll be able to nurse the new baby unless my mom were to bring him up here every day–and even that would be rushing. :( and as far as a maternity leave is concerned?? if i have the baby in october, i will have two–COUNT THEM, TWO–paid maternity days. i’m not joking. and i apologize for this stream-of-consciousness type post, but this is a very small reflection of my mind these days!! i’m trying not to worry, but i find myself constantly going to things like “how will i even afford to take off ONE week of work once the baby is born??” (and considering i’ll be having a c-section again & will be told i need to be off work for 6 weeks, this is terrifying.) these are terrible questions, but i have to face them. the day is soon! as most of you know/remember, Elisabeth came at 30 weeks. i’ve been praying all along, though, that i would make it to at least 36 weeks with Spencer. :) and i have so much hope that will happen. regardless, i trust the Lord completely and know that no matter when Spencer is born, the Lord continues to be completely in control. i must keep repeating that to myself. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. (i always think of this in the mornings on the way to work, as i pass several small farms!) surely He can provide for me to be off work with a new baby. :)
you all are great to read these ramblings!
my 30 minutes is up.
BOY!!! We’re having a little boy! I’m still pinching myself, for Doug and I both thought we might be having another girl. We are soooo very excited and grateful to welcome Charles Spencer into our little family! (He’ll go by Spencer, my maiden name–I think I’ve said that before!) :)
I’ll be hoping and praying even more now that I will NOT develop preeclampsia this time. Did you know that caucasian males have the hardest time fighting for their precious lives when they arrive really early? I learned this in the NICU after Elisabeth was born–all the nurses call them their little “whimpies.”
Also, we (FINALLY) secured a place to live! We found a perfect little place on Wednesday, and our references/applications were approved yesterday afternoon! I cannot tell you how relieved I feel knowing we are not moving to Little Rock to live on the STREETS. :) We’ll go to LR again on Saturday for a few things, one of those being to sign the lease (and to take measurements/photos!)…and another to possibly register at Babies ‘R Us! i’m so excited to look at little boy things. :)
as most of you know, we are moving to little rock! after months of thinking and talking about it, we’re finally DOING it. the bottom line is that we really need more income…and getting that in this town is close to impossible. also, doug still really wants to be a missionary in india someday soon–to reach that “goal,” we have several bills that need to be paid first.
i’m starting to get PRETTY nervous since it’s, oh JUNE NINTH, and we don’t have a place to live yet. (we’re moving there the weekend of the 27th, by the way, for me to start my new job as medical transcriptionist at Youth Home on the 30th.)
not to mention? we’re still waiting for a job for doug, too…
not to mention? we don’t know what we’ll do about childcare–at least, temporarily. (my parents, unbelievably, are almost positive they’re moving to LR, too!! and want to continue to take care of Elisabeth. AH-MAY-ZING.)
the past few months have been really tough–trying to sort out everything, fighting with the Lord on whether or not I can trust Him (WHAT is my deal?!)…i’m so grateful for this time, though, because this test of faith/trust has caused me to seek Him more than i have in a long time.
we find out on wednesday if Elisabeth will have a baby brother or sister. i’m very excited! we have a name for a boy (Charles Spencer–go by Spencer, my maiden name)…but if she’s a girl, we’ve got some thinking to do! i really hope to find a name that means faith or trust. perhaps a middle name of Faith, but i’m not sure.
we’re going to get to look at three more houses for rent on wednesday, so perhaps at least ONE of those will work!!…
i’ll update later this week with all our happy news! :)
this is on my tear-off calendar today:
Why is now the best time to express love? Because you don’t know how long you will have the opportunity. Circumstances change. People die. Children grow up. You have no guarantee of tomorrow. If you want to express love, you had better do it now.
i’m sooooooooooooooooooooooo ready to know what’s going to happen in our lives in the next few months. i’ve about driven myself crazy (on a daily basis) going through want ad after want ad (jobs/homes)…still no leads. still no direction. still no ANSWERS.
i keep feeling like i’m going about things all wrong. and then it hit me: the other day i realized, “my word, rebekah. if only you were praying even 1/2 as much as you have been worrying and looking online for leads.” oh dear.
and you know, i hope He will tell SOMEONE soon…if not me (or Doug), someone!! i mean, He surely will, right? there’s faith, and then there’s the fact that we have brains. for example, i have been looking for homes, but what do i think–that we should move first THEN find jobs?? hardly seems like the right order of things, does it?
it’s so hard not to become depressed when i think about my (and doug’s) “qualifications.” yes, we both have college degrees, but they are in biblical/christian studies. enough said?? i used to be so comforted by a statement one of my professors made when i was in school, “you may find that others question your choice of major: why biblical studies? what can that do for you? well, the answer may be not what it can do for you, but what it can/will do to you.” that sounds great and all…but it certainly doesn’t pay the bills. hence the depression. yikes. i DO need to have more faith (and pray a LOT more), that much is certain.
all i really want to be able to do is just stay at home with Elisabeth–and soon, Baby #2, as well. i’m not sure how that could possibly happen, but perhaps it might. :) i will try to remain hopeful!
please help us, God. PLEASE.
i’m so afraid and worried, and crying out to you in tears.
please show us what to do. please help us to know what to do.
i feel so desperate. and helpless. and antsy.
but You are greater than all these things.
i may not know, but You know every penny we need and owe…
i may not know, but You know where we need to/will live and work…
Father, may the peace that passes my understanding guard my heart and mind which truly are in Jesus.
Yes, for those of you who do not already know, Elisabeth is going to be a big sister! Surprise! The due date is pretty far down the road, but what good is a secret if I can’t share? :)
We’re really excited, scared poopless…all of the above. I feel a lot better due to my doctor’s appointment last week and am much more calm (i.e. not freaking out every second) about the idea of me getting preeclampsia again.
If I get it, I get it.
How comforting to know that there is nothing I can do (or not do) to keep that nasty disease far away from me and baby. (In other words, I can’t say with guilt in retrospect, “Oh, if I would’ve only done ___ or not done ____. Because preeclampsia is truly a thing that can affect any type of preg woman. Period.)
I knew this already, but I always like to hear things from the doctor’s mouth. He said if we were in Vegas and people were betting on whether or not I would get it again, they would be betting against the odds. :) I thought that was a funny–but positive–way of putting things. I’ll take it.
So, in (early) preparation, we bought a new minivan!! :) I LOVE IT. My youngest sister (about to pop any day with HER new baby) works for cars.com and knows all the car dealers in central arkansas…needless to say, we got a GREAT deal.
Our next big step is…a new JOB for Doug (maybe for me–but just through the summer!)and a new HOME. Remember a few paragraphs up when I wrote that I wasn’t freaking out every second about the preeclampsia stuff? Well, yeah, that’s because I’ve been too busy stressing my brains out over THESE issues. Unless the Lord provides something that pays enough here in Arkadelphia (translate: a MIRACLE), we are convinced we’ll have to move…I keep pushing for Little Rock, but Doug is not a huge fan of that idea.
That said, my Little Rock (and nearby) friends, if you have ANY suggestions, I am all ears!! And nose and mouth and head and heart and everything else. That doesn’t make sense now that I’ve typed it, but it did in my mind. Whatever.
The due date is a little far down the road, but not THAT far!! We’ve got to act soon…
Thanks for any thoughts and suggestions!
Love from Rebekah
so today i decided to drive-through arby’s to get lunch for me & my parents. my hopes were not high as far as time goes because 1) there is always a long line and 2) they are extremely slow.
what a nice surprise, then, when i pulled right up to the speaker–only one car ahead of me (already at the window)! as usual, i had a hard time communicating with the person on the other end of the speaker. (does anyone else have this consistent problem? maybe this is due to how softly i usually speak, but i swear sometimes i have to give my order about three or four times.) whatever. after that torturous few minutes, i pulled forward to the window…
and came face to face with the sweetest-faced girl whose eyes were so bright and shiny. we literally couldn’t stop smiling at each other and looking deeply into one another’s eyes. i loved her instantly, you know?
and isn’t that amazing how that happens sometimes? it’s so rare, but when it does…it’s magical. and other-worldly, almost. and i’m left in awe of a God Who created us to be such emotional and complex beings who are able to connect on inexplicably deep levels with simply one look. (no, i’m not female seeking female now. i just re-read the last few sentences or so, and i guess it sounds like i was waxing of a “love at first sight” experience.)
i haven’t been able to get this encounter out of my head. i don’t WANT to.
when she came back to the window to hand me my food, i (HAD to say something and) said, “you are so sweet.” (how cheesy, but what else could i say? certainly not everything else i’ve already written here.) she replied, “you are so sweet, too! you are the sweetest person who has driven through here all day since i got to work this morning.” without thinking, i said, “well, you are an angel.” (WHAT?! do i normally call people–other than my husband or daughter–an ANGEL?) and she just looked at me and said so genuinely, “come back and see me some time. my name is roxeen.” (sp? her nametag was unfortunately covered. i would’ve asked about the spelling, but there was someone behind me.) so i stuck out my hand for a shake and told her my name, too.
and then drove away.
from roxeen, the angel.
i kind of want to see her again, but selfishly i kind of don’t want to, too. unless i happen to go to arby’s again, and she happens to be working the window at that same moment, i think i will just keep this encounter locked up inside in a little memory package that i can occassionally open and re-wrap.
p.s. guess what? i have no IDEA how long it took for my food. it didn’t matter today.