i’m not sure how i’ve taken two months to post…but it may be because:
1. we still don’t have internet at home
2. i haven’t been at work since sept. 12th
3. i was in the hospital for 10 days and my sweet baby boy had to be born 7 1/2 wks early due to dangerously high blood pressure…but he is doing really well! and is SO very beautiful and precious. he had to stay in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) for 3 weeks, and we have loved having him home for the past 2 1/2 wks. we give glory and praise and THANKS to our Lord God for His once again amazing care and protection of me and our wee babe. :)
Well, i guess that’s what it’s come down to–one post per month. :(
better than none at all, i suppose! i certainly miss the blogging world…facebook…”surfing”…gone are the days of internet freedom! (and time to do ANYTHING non work-related)
it’s really hard to believe i’ve been here at my new job for eight weeks. i still wish, probably even more, that i could be a stay-at-home-mom. with the new baby really on the way (i’ll be 29 weeks on wednesday!)…i keep thinking about how i’m going to feel leaving not one baby but two (and one being a very baby newborn, at that)–even if i am leaving them with my mom & dad. i’m so grateful, please know, but it’s still so hard. and one of the things i cannot get used to w/my new job is a 30 minute lunch break. (YIKES!) there’s no way i’ll be able to nurse the new baby unless my mom were to bring him up here every day–and even that would be rushing. :( and as far as a maternity leave is concerned?? if i have the baby in october, i will have two–COUNT THEM, TWO–paid maternity days. i’m not joking. and i apologize for this stream-of-consciousness type post, but this is a very small reflection of my mind these days!! i’m trying not to worry, but i find myself constantly going to things like “how will i even afford to take off ONE week of work once the baby is born??” (and considering i’ll be having a c-section again & will be told i need to be off work for 6 weeks, this is terrifying.) these are terrible questions, but i have to face them. the day is soon! as most of you know/remember, Elisabeth came at 30 weeks. i’ve been praying all along, though, that i would make it to at least 36 weeks with Spencer. :) and i have so much hope that will happen. regardless, i trust the Lord completely and know that no matter when Spencer is born, the Lord continues to be completely in control. i must keep repeating that to myself. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. (i always think of this in the mornings on the way to work, as i pass several small farms!) surely He can provide for me to be off work with a new baby. :)
you all are great to read these ramblings!
my 30 minutes is up.
BOY!!! We’re having a little boy! I’m still pinching myself, for Doug and I both thought we might be having another girl. We are soooo very excited and grateful to welcome Charles Spencer into our little family! (He’ll go by Spencer, my maiden name–I think I’ve said that before!) :)
I’ll be hoping and praying even more now that I will NOT develop preeclampsia this time. Did you know that caucasian males have the hardest time fighting for their precious lives when they arrive really early? I learned this in the NICU after Elisabeth was born–all the nurses call them their little “whimpies.”
Also, we (FINALLY) secured a place to live! We found a perfect little place on Wednesday, and our references/applications were approved yesterday afternoon! I cannot tell you how relieved I feel knowing we are not moving to Little Rock to live on the STREETS. :) We’ll go to LR again on Saturday for a few things, one of those being to sign the lease (and to take measurements/photos!)…and another to possibly register at Babies ‘R Us! i’m so excited to look at little boy things. :)
i’m sooooooooooooooooooooooo ready to know what’s going to happen in our lives in the next few months. i’ve about driven myself crazy (on a daily basis) going through want ad after want ad (jobs/homes)…still no leads. still no direction. still no ANSWERS.
i keep feeling like i’m going about things all wrong. and then it hit me: the other day i realized, “my word, rebekah. if only you were praying even 1/2 as much as you have been worrying and looking online for leads.” oh dear.
and you know, i hope He will tell SOMEONE soon…if not me (or Doug), someone!! i mean, He surely will, right? there’s faith, and then there’s the fact that we have brains. for example, i have been looking for homes, but what do i think–that we should move first THEN find jobs?? hardly seems like the right order of things, does it?
it’s so hard not to become depressed when i think about my (and doug’s) “qualifications.” yes, we both have college degrees, but they are in biblical/christian studies. enough said?? i used to be so comforted by a statement one of my professors made when i was in school, “you may find that others question your choice of major: why biblical studies? what can that do for you? well, the answer may be not what it can do for you, but what it can/will do to you.” that sounds great and all…but it certainly doesn’t pay the bills. hence the depression. yikes. i DO need to have more faith (and pray a LOT more), that much is certain.
all i really want to be able to do is just stay at home with Elisabeth–and soon, Baby #2, as well. i’m not sure how that could possibly happen, but perhaps it might. :) i will try to remain hopeful!
please help us, God. PLEASE.
i’m so afraid and worried, and crying out to you in tears.
please show us what to do. please help us to know what to do.
i feel so desperate. and helpless. and antsy.
but You are greater than all these things.
i may not know, but You know every penny we need and owe…
i may not know, but You know where we need to/will live and work…
Father, may the peace that passes my understanding guard my heart and mind which truly are in Jesus.